Beacause It Helps Me Sleep at Night

People are really funny when they are stupid, make mistakes, or a combination of being stupid and making mistakes. I thought it was mildly amusing when I glanced at the TV this morning and saw this action. I know I know...The whole program is a joke for already bloated superstars to make more money. Or for pill-popping alcoholics to show off their keen eye for talent.

I would be remiss if I didnt briefly touch on this. I havent tried writing about politics for a while because it has been the same crap for the last 4+ months. Put them in the thunder dome. Anyway...Everyone in the right half of the peanut gallery, as well as those are going nuts. Loving every minute of it. While all the while, their candidate doesnt really look all that good all of the time. Maybe we could revise the rules to make it "three men enter, one man leaves because he is old and bored." Yes, I picked the Karl Rove article on purpose.

And on the fun and happy side of life, this guy wants to make a sequel to a movie that probably will not do all that well. Special effects can only take you so far sir, then you have to start popping pills again. Or doing lines from a hookers ass.

You'd Shut Your Mouth if You Knew what was Good for You

Good to see this guy still gets work.

Oh sandwich, I could never stay mad at you...

Hot biscuits.

Somewhere, Choppers ex-wife is weeping for the future.

Public service announcement.

These Arent Your Normal Run of the Mill Hippies

Out on the west coast, some landlords have been charged with tenant terror. I always wondered what it would be like to have a crazy person for a landlord. I guess I always thought they would be a bit more devious...Like breaking into my apt and rearranging the furniture, or move my mailbox. Maybe they would empty out my shampoo or toothpaste. But some of the things these nut-jobs did is downright loopy.

"One day, Morrow noticed the blade of a saw ...which had cut a 2-by-4-foot hole in the floor."

Holy shit. Thats really dangerous. And crazy. I wouldnt want to lose my foot to something as lame as that. Rather it get caught in an escalator or something.

"...came home and confronted Kip Macy as the landlord was ransacking his apartment, Macy kicked him in the chest"

And then there is violence. This guy must be a black belt or something. If I tried to kick someone in the chest, I would crumble to the ground in pain...for like 20 minutes.

I Have a Buddy who Looked Like this Guy

Nice job Smoltzy on your 3,000K. He was always cooler than Mad Dog because he didnt play for the Cubs. Better than Glavine, because he was not a Met. Who the heck is a Mets fan anyway? While playing 20 years in the Majors, he stuck with one team. That never happens. Not to mention the fact that he was a closer for 4 years. I dont think that there are going to be many 3,000K pitchers anymore, so that makes it even cooler.

So Long, and I'll Write Every Day

Just after scoring the winning run in todays all out cage match of death at Count...Miller Park, Neddy Bear's favorite special little guy was traded to the Tampa Bay Dev...Rays. Traded for one Josh Butler from the High A affiliate. I have to say that I will miss the God-Rock that they play when he comes to the plate. What is that...DC Talk?

That just means that we have to remove one pitcher from a staff of 14. 14 pitchers. That is a one and a four respectively. How do you ever expect to work fourteen guys all nice and regular like? On the front page of the online magazine, Baseball Prospectus, there is an article about just that. It is too bad you need to pay money to read it. Either way, the poster boy for too many pitchers these days is none other than our good friend Mr. Turnbow. Too bad the picture wont work because Blogger fuckerd me. It seems as though, after complaining about not getting the "good innings," he truly has to be the odd man out. Cameron is coming out soon, so that is one spot. And Gwynn is off the rehab soon as well. What to do, What to do? Grinders and Hustlers and Gamers always make the right choice Neddy Bear...Always.

*please note that I spelled "fucked" incorrectly. After proofreading, I thought it sounded better this way.

I Have Been Going at it Easy

Look pal...I could give you a pass on the first one. And I was willing to accept the second, as the bats once again saved your cannuck ass. But let me be perfectly clear...I know that you had just pitched the previous 3 days. I know it. I know that you are tired. But you are throwing to the Natti of all teams. Buck up little soldier...you used to juice right? Think about how you used to pitch on the juice, then try to break that record. Or maybe try to throw strikes. Or start shooting it up again. It does not really matter at this point. Saving 2 of three opportunities does not a play off team make.
UPDATE 4/22/08: As of today, that is 4 of 10.

For Lack of a Better Name

This isnt all that far from here.

When shady people are your bag.

I love it when people think that more prescriptions are the answer.

Fun for the whole family.

Dont ever say I didnt do anything for you.

Warriors...Come Out and Play....

And from the right coast in an outside the city neighborhood. Do they have suburbs out there?

They say one man was stabbed and hit with a claw hammer; a second person was hit in the head with a hammer.

How could that many people be involved in this type of violence? I mean, I have taken hammers to peoples heads before, but it was out of a deep-seeded respect. And the student became the teacher.

This is Why I Am Better

Here is a little ditty from the windier part of the lake. See, here in Milwaukee, we are normal people. We like to drive cars. We have no need for your subways or metros...I peed on the subway twice...I will gladly pay $3.50 for gas and not care about the environment for knowing that this will never happen to me. Traffic here is a 10-15 minute delay. There, you are likely to get stuck in traffic for 2+ hours. Unless you drive like a crazy person to get home for nothing in particular.

Ignoring pleas of transit workers, they decided to leave the train and walk through the dimly lighted tunnel toward freedom.

"The train in front of us had stalled and that was the extent of it, then the power went out, no air, people were passing out, throwing up," said CTA rider Jay Miller

Yes, freedom. We make better bratwurst and arent nearly as pretentious as well.

On un-Holy Man-Crushes and Jeff Weaver

I can give the Neddy Bear a pass for yesterday, and maybe even today. But you cannot bench arguably the hottest hitter in baseball for your personal man-boy slave. It is almost like these two. Seriously, does the God-Rock kid bring you coffee in the morning, and shine your shoes while reading the paper to you as well? Would you please pass the soap, Gabe honey... If you look at the above link, you can see that they have roughly the same number of at bats. Other than that, it is like bears and puppies. One will likely rip your starter to shreds, and the other just wants to curl up with his daddy and have his belly scratched.

The recognition of platoon split statistics has done a lot of good things for baseball. Just look at Kevin Mench and Geoff Jenkins. Gross' split looks like this. I assume that it is just an error with the site, but maybe it does not list the Gabester's vs lefty numbers...saying that he is just bad and should be on the first beer truck out of town. Either way, those are some pretty shitty numbers, even compared to a bar league softball player. Not to mention the fact that Kapler is faster, albeit older, and has a better arm than Gross. On the bright side, Gross is the grittiest, grinderific, hustlicious player on the team.

The only thing that Gabe Kapler has done is rake. Please note that the splits are both pretty good. When pitched to from both sides of the mound. Having a career year in the first month of the season. Thats all I have to say about that...The small sample size numbers speak for themselves. Except for the fact that he was part of a pretty crazy statistic. I believe that this is the only time 2 Jewish players hit home runs in the same game for the same team. Granted, he cannot keep this up, and in 2 weeks, it will be a moot point anyway since Mike Cameron will be able to play. For the love of the Sweet Zombie-Jesus Neddy, havent you been found guilty of playing the hot hand before? What is so different now? Tony LaRussa you are not, which ironically, was proven to you last year against that same manager.

The Brewers also added another arm. Jeff Weaver will begin the season at AAA Nashville, after not opening the season on a team. Probably at some point, he will be up with the big club when someone gets hurt, or they trade Dave Bush...Whatever comes first.

By the way, cry me a river. Put up some numbers or go bag groceries.

I Never Thought it Would Come to This

Please feel free to insert slightly funny joke here.

Two Pennsauken High School students have been arrested after a teacher found what was believed to be a hit list that targeted actor Chuck Norris.

Sunday Morning Coming Down

If this is heavy metal, Im buying.

Im with Busey.

Interesting on different levels.

Carbs are bad.

MMMMM...Burrito.

I Hate Jim Morrison

But he did sing this crappy tune. Man it is cool to be back in my shitty apartment. I was in such a hurry that I drove through the Windy City, aka the burning pits of Hades, at around 90 mph. I am going to have some hotel mini-bar whiskey and pass out. Rush hour is bad, but rush hour in the rain is a shitty way to end the day.

More Notes from the Road

To me, there is nothing sadder than a person drinking a double Makers on the rocks in a half empty bar. No, this is not me. American whiskey is not fit for animal consumption. This is the reason that I did not go into the hotel bar this evening. The dude freaked me out...However, I had 3 glasses of Chianti with my dinner and a blind Russian for dessert. Yes...I have taken full advantage of the free food and booze. Here are some things that I saw today that made me laugh.

Aside from the nut bar at the bar, early evening travelers have some odd habits. For example, instead of dinner, they eat appetizers. Not only by themselves, which I understand, but with a group of 4 people, there were 4 appetizers. And they were not drinking. My impressions of the business world have changed.

I have never seen anyone use a newspaper as an umbrella. Due to the rain this morning and afternoon, I have seen 3. Dont you think that because a newspaper is made of paper, certain issues could arise? Sorry about your freshly gelled hair dude, but it is pouring rain.

After two days here, I think that this hotel room is bigger than the kitchen and living room of my apartment. Not to mention the bed is much better than the cardboard and towels that I sleep on. There are like 8 pillows on it. Much better than my special lady friend Mrs. Jameson.

On the same note...This room has a flat screen TV. I dont have to tell you that a cardboard box with a coat hanger in the top is no comparison.

Well there you go. Edgrimly's first business trip. Since I have 5 hours of driving, than another 3 back to my ever so tiny apt, I am going to finish the mini bar and trash this room like these guys used to.

My Shackles Have Been Unlocked

Thats right, loyal 3 readers, edgrimly is now a member of the traveling business people. I am posting this from a stolen hotel laptop in an undisclosed location in middle America. Though my view is nice...It is a little odd to be outside of the cave where I do my best work. It is also strange that other people are doing my work for me while I whoop it up in said location with free Guinness and free food.
Apparently, in the next 2 days, we are to go to 6 more of my accounts and 2 3rd party customers. Thats more driving than Ive done since I was in school.

Some funny observations....

Despite the fact that they offer a free happy hour with high class food in the bar on the ninth floor, some of these folks go for the free shit in the bar. Meat balls and lite beer. Heathens all.

They have really good pork bbq here. And it was free.

My hotel room comes with a warm bottle of water. I guess that is the only complaint that I have so far...Granted, I could go to the ice machine outside the door, but I have the perfect combination of goth music and black-lights in here, and that makes it cold enough.

Anyway, there is too much room in here for me, so Im off to sit in the corner of windows and think of something deep about all of the airplanes that take off, and then cry myself to sleep.

Hello, My Name is...

So I just got off the phone with someone from the UW Oshkosh Alumni Assoc. He asked me if I received the postcard that they sent me a couple weeks ago....
I know I got something from them, but it wasnt asking for a donation. Rather, it was asking me to pay the $7.00 university parking ticket I still have outstanding...for the last 4-5 years.

Yarrrr...Its Drivin Me Nuts

Its real people...Make sure you bring your musket when traversing the coast of turbulent Somalia.

Pirates have seized more than two dozen ships off the country's coast in the past year, typically demanding high ransoms to free their hostages.

Just think if the militias and the pirate navy banded together...They could probably land the whole continent. Thats like 4 extra armies per turn.

Notes on W

No...not that W. The W that means Win.

After going to both Saturday and Sunday games this weekend, one thing has become clear. These people are worthy of being called ballplayers. Not to mention the fact that, after winning a home run bet and a lot of dollars in the cap game, I walked away with 3 dollars more that I walked in with. Saturdays W was good, but I dont remember it as well.

Sundays win was stellar. Not since the 18 K game, which I was at, did Ben Sheets pitch this well. Not to mention the "experiment" with catch bating 8. Kendall played good, and has played good. Not that Neddy Bear is right...But it has seemed to work out.

On that note, have you seen any time where Ned has made mistakes? Short of leaving in gritty Dave for a bit too long, and letting him do it once again...

Any way...Haul out the Brooms.

2 Games in 2 Days

This is a lyger...Its pretty much my favorite animal.

No more stealing livers and putting the person in a hotel bathtub full of ice.

Nice ride asshole.

Going somewhere?

Even Disney is seedy.

I Was Going to Wait...

I was going to give the Neddy Bear about 2 weeks of regular season ball before I started to get angry, which was bound to happen anyway.

That being said, let me ask you a question...This guy is in the starting 5 because?

I am willing to give Gagne a chance. There were a number of "factors" that could have damaged his delicate sensibilities and caused him to detonate. But Bushy just went out there and continued his amazing parade of veteran leadership and grit. Take a look at the 4th inning. In the words of Kevin Costner, "...not a dying quail..." in the whole inning. Thats right, he managed to allow a run to score with nary a hit from the pretentious assholes 90 miles south. But I digress.

My problem is not with the game management of the Neddy Bear. My problem was his decision to insert Bush in the starting rotation. Granted, most of the pitching depth was lost. What with Cappuano getting surgery again or Vargas getting canned. Not to say that I was a particular fan of those guys. But with Gallardo on the DL for a couple weeks, retroactive that is, it would be nice to have one of them in the pen. Or flat out starting instead of Bush.

Late 3rd or 4th in the better part of his outings last year, there were similar results. 1st inning...cool. 2nd...cool. 3rd or 4th...makings of a meltdown. 4th or 5th...I want to leave so I can have a drink. And how did it go today? Well, he did have the aforementioned inning(s). Sure, he led the team in K's last year, and "won" over 10 games. But how many times did we see this same deal play out in ought 7? But we like his veteran leadership and his battlerocity.

So anyway...I was going to wait to let anger fly at the Neddy Bear. But the fact that we had "deja vu all over again" makes me really perturbed.

So now Bushy, Villanueva, and Parra are fighting to stay in the rotation until Gallardo comes back. How much will Bushys veteranisation play into effect in that decision?

The Devils Childeren

You always see it in the movies...Children of the Corn...and countless others. Albeit horrible, this one is funny in that "I kill hookers for a living" kind of way. You might say..."Well, edgrimly seems the type that may associate with those whom kill hookers"...so that may be why you think that I am nutty for laughing a bit. Until you read this part.

They had a broken steak knife, a crystal paper weight, toy handcuffs, several items and tape and stuff

If you take a look at the pictures, the knife in question is a steak knife. Those are definitely fake handcuffs...But the crystal paperweight is somehow missing. Where did it go? Is it somewhere in the bag of tricks in the picture? And what are you going to do with a pair of stretch gloves, freeze to death? Then there is this one.

each child at Center Elementary School in Waycross had a job to do, including one assigned to wipe up the blood

Discounting the obvious mistakes in the list of items brought to do the deed is this nugget. At least these kids have a bit of balls. What with all of the pre planning and such. I would have liked to be the kid who was supposed to watch the door, but peed my pants when the teacher was coming.