Sweet Zombie Jesus May His Soul Rest in Peace

Born Robert Craig Knievel in the copper mining town of Butte on Oct. 17, 1938

Say Hello to the New Closer

It hurts me to say it, but I was wrong in my Houston Street prediction....According to espin, and MLBTR, David Riske is really close to signing with the Brewers. Maybe a bit too much money, but he is a decent middle to back end reliever with decent career numbers. His fancy pants player card is here, and his MLB.com numbers are here. As I have said before, the maths are not my strong suit, but lets take a better look....

He gets a lot of outs that arent strike outs, as evidenced by the 69 innings pitched, and 52 ks last year. Career wise, it looks pretty much the same at 431 innings and 398 ks. Whats funny about that is his WHIP last year is exactly the same as his career number, 1.26. That shows at least some level of consistancy, as well as a reliever who can toss more than one inning at a time, which the bullpen sorely needs by the way. At about 15 pitches per inning, he is about average for relievers, and he walks less than 1 batter per inning(.42) while striking out close to one(.92). The top 5 pitchers with the most saves last year have pretty similar numbers to that, so that is a good sign, I think.

At 31 years old, Riske seems to be one of the better middle relievers on the market, and I would much rather see a free agent signing than trading away for a one year rental of Joe Nathan, whom Doug Melvin is also feeling out. There are very few opportunities to show your value in KC, and when presented with a chance last year, Riske did just that. Think of it like this...Matt Wise no longer has to worry about hitting batters in the face, as we can now look forward to Pot-head(Turnblow), Roid-rage(Mota), and an undervalued middle reliever to close it out in the ninth.

While I Am Here

So I talked to my Dad tonight because he is going to take the family to see "A Christmas Carol" at the Pabst on Sunday for my little brother's birthday. We talked about how many deer he shot, and if I get some deer meat or not. Than he said to me "Packer fever hey?" I said that I would most likely fall asleep before the end of the first half. He responds by saying, and I quote, "That Favre will sure mess it up, wont he?" "I will probably shut it off because I am disgusted before the end of the first half." He went on to give the first football prediction he has ever given to me. Dallas 35, Green Bay 21. 4 INTs. That my friends, is fantastic. So good in fact that it gets two tags.

Beer and Politics

So I watched the YouTube debate this evening, in fact I bought a six pack of the plain to enjoy during it. Lest I be pummeled by Muntaba's vast knowledge of politics in general, here are a few highlights.....

• Mike Huckabee has some fucked up teeth man. Its no wonder he is from Arkansas.
• Romney and Giuliani(sp for both) are snakes. Polished and wavering in there answers from one second to the next. Typical politics that will continue the same old bullshit.
  
• 3 candidates did not mention god, despite at least 2 questions with religious connotations. Thompson, Paul, and McCain. Thats a good thing by the way.
• Thompson, the savior for "Republicans" everywhere, was stumbling and seemed to find it hard to form a coherent thought.
• Despite my dislike for "America's Mayor," he did have the best campaign commercial mentioning both King Kong as well as a reduction in overall snowfall.
• John McCain would be a pretty good VP, in my opinion, but does not seem to have whatever it is electability is to become Pres.
• Ron Paul showed that he was a Libertarian in Republican clothing. Thats not a bad thing by the way.
• A friend of mine is big into Ron Paul. Though I like the traditional conservative values, ie the small federal government, states rights, not using the military to impose the will upon foreign countries, and fiscal responsibility with less taxing and spending, he is a rare middle of the road nut-bar who will not appeal to the "Republican" base, but may get enough votes to get out of this wretched 2 party system. The same applies to Kucinich in my opinion.
  
• This giving a reach around to Ronald Reagan has to stop. As that one Simpson's episode said...."Contemporize Man!!"

Also, this happened to the couple of children at the very beginning. It was really funny to see live. Childish, yet unrefined, sort of like Hooters.

And since he has been doing it to me...a bit for the junkie.

Please note that this in no way endorses Dennis Kucinich or Kang for that matter...so dont blame me, I voted for Kodos.

UPDATE: This guy does a better job than I, like most people.

Live from the lobby cam.

In case you need some audio.

Just like Bugs said, nice place to visit.....

Too bad I am the dishwasher.

Mr. Rubik is a filthy sonofabitch.

Never trust anyone.

I can do that, I just dont want to.

Guest Blog by Your Friendly Neighborhood Snow.man

edgrimly is holding me hostage in his apartment. If anyone is reading this they should immediately contact the authorities. HELP. HELP. OH God Please NOOOOO........(edgrimly is a terrible host).

MVP

So Chopper asked me to "crunch some numbers" to determine why Jimmy Rollins was voted NL MVP. Unfortunately, I have a very rudimentary understanding of the Maths, so I will use what the fine folks at MLB.com have to say. Before I begin, lets first say that the voting by the MLB Writers Association happens at the end of the season, just before the playoffs start. So although helping the team into the playoffs is a plus, playoff performance does not matter.

The winner, Rollins, shortstop for Philadelphia. His team was right in the playoff hunt at the end of the season, and probably would not have made it had the Mets not choked on their own hubris. Have you ever actually met a Mets fan? Anyway, apparently Rollins for the first time in his career had 200 hits. Alone, not deserving of the award, but interesting nonetheless. As a result of that, and the fact that he hit 30(?....juice) homers gives him some decent offensive numbers from the leadoff hole in the line up. From that leadoff spot, Rollins scored 139 runs which was good enough for 1st in the league. All of this is pretty impressive, if you ask me. OBP: .344, SLG: .344, OPS(on base plus slugging): .875. Toss in a 87% stolen base mark, and that is a solid hitter.

Second place, Holliday, outfielder for Colorado. The Cinderella story of ought 7. Swept the Phillies out and that was the last anyone heard of Jimmy Rollins. Holliday is your prototypical corner outfielder in my opinion. The guy who everyone wants in left. 4th in the league in homers(36), 1st in RBI(137), and 3rd in SLG(.607). Hands down the best hitter on the Rockies, and throw in the old OPS over 1 and you have near perfection. I dont really like batting average, but he easily won that one as well, hitting .340. If anyone should have won, it was this guy. Arguably the NL's best pure hitter in 07.

Third place, Fielder, 1st base for the hometown team. I dont need to regale you with any of his gorilla like numbers.....Suffice to say that he raked all season. If it was not for Ned Yost choking on his own bucket of Hubris, Prince probably would have won in a landslide.

In my humble opinion, it comes down to a couple of things. When was the last time a non-playoff player was the MVP? How much did the player help his team get to the post season? And what did the players do over the course of the 162 game grind? Unfortunately, I am not a baseball writer. All three of those questions dont mean shit. I think that it is East Coast, ESPN-talking head bias. Even taking Fielder out of the equation, why would you vote for Rollins? Because he looks all child-like and innocent in his over sized cap? Because he helped his team take advantage of a colossal melt down of the real class of the NL East? Or maybe it was because you didnt think that the Rockies deserved to be there in the first place. All in all, Im not angry...Fielder will get his, and probably more than one. Rollins will come back next year with that killer of baseball players, Hubris. And Holliday will probably be traded.

UPDATE: FJM as always, does a much better job than I.

American Version

I have seen the American version of "The Office" twice all the way through. I was told the other day that I am cooler that this guy. Bad Ass.

The guy Im cooler than is Dwight...

First Sunday in 2 Weeks that I woke up In my Bed Instead of the Floor

Clowns scare the shit out of me.

The life of Snow.man, in an easy to understand fashion.

"Not courageous in the sense of running into a burning building to rescue a puppy mind you..."

No shit, it works.

I cant think of anything funny to say...

Yet another reason that they scare the shit out of me.

That American Shite Belongs in the Drain

Here is a good one from south of the Mason-Dixon line. We ran some illegal taverns in College, but that is a lot of bottles being dumped.

Money Quote......

"Punish the person, not the whiskey," said an outraged Kyle MacDonald, 28, a Jack Daniel's drinker from British Columbia who promotes the whiskey on his blog. "Jack never did anything wrong, and the whiskey itself is innocent."

For the record, no whiskey is innocent.

Keep Getting Funnier Every Time I see Them

I'm a hundred miles away son...Ready to strike.

Jimbo's Funny Sh!t

The true international man of leisure sent me a couple this week.

The second may be a bit lewd, but funny nonetheless.

Thank You Sweet-Zombie Jesus

One of the bigger assholes ever to play the game was indicted today on charges of perjury and obstruction of Justice. The article is here, and if you cant downloads pdfs, here. Hopefully, this leads to the indicting of all of the other assholes that take that shit. It will be interesting to find out who the rat was...

Disclaimer: Nobody likes a rat, but in this case, ill allow it.

Paper Rock Scissors

Best Article I have Glanced at in Weeks

Now I have to say, I have been to the bottom of a tequila bottle, the bottom of a whiskey bottle, and to the back of a case of beer. But never, ever, have I been to the bottom of an airline ranch packet.

I Woke Up For This?

Only because I know you people need it to get through the week.......

I always thought Chris Walken was cool, now you can be too.

Nerd action is always cool.

Much better than a lame ass clock radio.

These streets have names, despite that asshole Bono.

Thank you Jebus.....

I cant think of a better headline, though it is sad.

What will Those Hippies think of Next

She Said I was a Hippster Doofus.....

On the Starwars Front

Call me a Traditionalist

I may be crazy.......I dont like the designated hitter. Dont like the intentional walk with no one on base. And wasting outs is lame in almost any situation. I think that human error has played an important part of my National Pastime since the Boston Beaneaters to the Big Red Machine and on up to today. That is why this makes me a bit angry.

The proposal, approved by a 25-5 vote, was limited to boundary calls -- whether potential home runs are fair or foul, whether balls go over fences or hit the tops and bounce back, and whether fans interfere with possible homers.

According to that Bartman guy, Umpires can still tell if a fan interferes. And you rarely see the other calls overturned, despite the antics of some coaches. And the last time I saw anything like it, even if the Umps get the home run calls wrong, over 4000+ regular season games, it will even out. That is what makes the game great. It is a game of true averages. Now I'm not saying that the officials get the calls right all the time, and I have seen some pretty blatant bad calls. But removing that small, arbitrary, human element violates all that is true about the game, and society as a whole. We all make mistakes. Look at Choppers 2nd wife, the worse of the 5.

Television replays can be used for many calls in the NFL. In the NBA, they are often used to determine whether players get shots off before time expires. In the NHL, replays are applied to check whether pucks cross goal lines. In grand slam tennis, replays can be used to ascertain whether balls are in or out.

Obviously, this would only increase the length of the games. And some of those lame ass AL games already top out over 4 hours. Second, why make this like all of the rest of the major sports? The NBA is already fixed, so thats no big deal. In football, what is the percentage of successful challenges? 50/50 maybe? If the NFL jumped off of a bridge, would you follow it? And who really cares about the NHL anyway?

All anybody is interested in is getting it right," White Sox GM Ken Williams said. "It will be a lot easier and less time to get that right than some of these arguments that ensue when a call is disputed.

Isnt this part of why we love the game? Seeing some boneheaded manager who thinks he can sway the Umpire when he goes nuts, or knowing that Bobby Cox holds the all time record for ejections makes the game fun. If we do away with that, what is to prevent it from progressing to balls and strikes? See the beginning of this paragraph, as well as the first linked video. And if thats the case, why not take them out entirely....Then who would we hate all summer long? I like my baseball with Wisconsin Native Bruce Froemming being so old he cant even see the ball anymore.

Sometimes, You Cant Write Better News

Here is a good one.

Money Quote: He said he kept repeating: "I don't believe this. I don't believe this."

Although I dont know whats funnier.....the cow, or the name of the town the story is out of.

You All Should Think Long and Hard About....

.....Getting one of these.

And For Some Perspective

Emerald Cup

It has made its return. The Noodle-Armed retiree has done his job. To quote Cypress Hill, "when the shit goes down, you better be ready".

Welcome to the Dairy State Bitches

The local fish wrap is saying that we may have snow tomorrow. I hate parking on the street.

Back and With a Savage Hangover

Only because that flippin bartender decided to keep playing until he won.....

When you have to do what you have to do.

Hey robot Ted, I got a full on robot chubby.

More from the "what you have to do" dept.

Important information.

Real life transformer.

I believe I fit the criteria.

This is Why I Love My City

So I went out for a stroll this morning with my new mechanical device, no, not the robot leg. Here are some samples of what I saw. Makes me really enjoy living here.For more examples of my completely amateurish photos, you can go here.

All of My Prayers to the Sweet Zombie Jesus Have Been Answered

Although I never requested a change in date.....Milwaukee county requests the pleasure of my company for Jury Duty. I have never done this before. So that makes it pretty exciting. The problem is that they only pay you like 20 dollars per day or something, but it seems like a worthy way to spend vacation time.

Please excuse the laundry card. It is there to hide my name so Choppers wife...errr....ex-wife doesnt find me.