The Girl Who Sits Next to me

So this nice lady who sits next to me is very preggers, in the office that is. Well, this is her second child. She is 25. She wants another. She makes me really angry on a daily basis.

At least Milo went to fucking college and is happier for it.

So as I was Saying

I have been telling this to you people for a while now. But a good one nonetheless. A good article anyway...

As Far as it is Concerned

So today is leap year. Really, I dont care. My neighbors are bowling in their apt. and it is making a hell of a lot of noise. Trust me, it is better than the vacuum at 4 in the morning on a Tuesday. Good luck to this kid when he is 4 and all of his buddies are going out to chase drunk women, and he is four. Just kidding...leap year is very special. Special enough for me to stay in and think about all of the people that are additions to my list.

Those Crazy Brits

Recently, we had a very nice lady form Britain employed at my office. Unfortunately, her husband took a job in Houston, so today was here last day. In honor of all of her hard work, here is some crazy Brits in action....

Way To Go Yuppy.

Its OK though, mom and dad will take care of it for you. They might even buy you a new car. The kid is 20. After 3 previous arrest/citations, he should have been in jail as there did not seem to be any kind of deterrent to this point. Good luck getting a job. Make sure you wear your favorite pink shirt to jail asshole.

If I Made Toys for a Living, they Would Be Like This.

"Tickle Me Elmo wants to kill you" could be an alternate headline, I guess. But what is the big deal...really? When I was a kid, my toys told me to kill. Though that is probably a direct result of being chained in the basement for the first 8 years of my life. And my toys were dead mice that I caught.

This Passes for Education?

So while dinking around this evening, I ran into this one. I can only imagine the kind of folks lining up to take these courses. Here is a hint...Hide the money under the soap.

"In the lab, Lee measured plant food into a plastic garbage can and explained how, with common sense, upgraded electrical outlets, a fan and an air filter, students can grow pot at home for fun, health, public service - or profit."

The Time of Year When the Previews Start

This article comes from Fire Ned Yost. It seems like a blog worth reading, and I dont know why I havent yet. Anyway, laugh it up clowns.

What's going on? Ned Yost here. I'm the manager of the Milwaukee Fucking Brewers.

While We Are On the Subject...

"But the Beaver's only 30, he doesnt know how to fail." Or I wish I was Guy Caballero.

Better than American Pie.
And what they are known for...They even made a movie about it. If you havent seen it, you are an asshole.

Well Whoed Have Thunk It

It appears that I will be doing a show at a theatre in the great city of Milwuakee. I trust that all three of you will attend.

Somebody Forgot to Use the Healing Powers of Lake Minnetonka

I think that the only reason that I am putting this one out there is the picture. Other than that, man he is getting old.

Bordering on the Clinically Insane

Yes my friends...it is Sunday, time for somber reflection on the week previous, and hopefullness for the week yet to come...or some bullshit.

Though I love you, heart attacks are seldom fun.

E-Bay is a hellofa drug.

I will take all of the motivationalisation that I can get.

I have already spent 5 hours trying to prove it wrong.

Science that I can really enjoy.

Let me count out my change jar, because Im buying this shit.

In the What Is He Thinking Catagory

So the baseball dude at the JS says that Yosterino is toying with this idea. "Common sense tells me you want your best hitters to have the most at-bats", says the fearless leader. Well...if he is going to do it, bad idea, it would probably be best to stick with it for a while. I guess...The problem being, he wont. If he trots this bad boy out there, it will be different the next night. That was one of the biggest complaints about Nasty Ned last year. You see, baseball players are creatures of habit. They like to do the same thing as much and as often as possible. Neddy Bear went through so many different lineups last year, that I would assume most players did not know what day it was. Truth be told, they are professionals, so it shouldnt matter where they hit. Yes, that is correct. The problem comes when you continue to mess with it until all routine has been tossed down the toilet. Thats where we get the problem. Not to mention that fact that more innings will end all to early with pitch getting more at bats. Also, I am not sure I want Kendall leading off that many more frames.

Soon, We Will Have to Worry About this Situation

I dont know about you, but I wouldnt mind a racing stripe...

More Fun With Politics

This from the Onion. Make sure to read the published date.

Todd Tyler,
Systems Analyst
"She's got a good shot, so long as no one blows her up, causing her faceplate to fall off and revealing the gears and diodes beneath."

I like the robot reference.

SO here is the Question...

While listening to the traffic and weather together this morning on the way to work, I heard an ad for a program that posed this question...

Which of the three candidates would you like to go to a ball game with? This is what I thought.

Clinton: Dont think so, though my mind is clouded with a crazy personal bias against her. Thats about it for that. I just dont think that I could tolerate sitting next to her for 3 hours. I cant think of another reason. Maybe if she brought Bill, he could give me some tips on womanizing?

McCain: He may have some insight into the historic game between the Boston Beaneaters and the New York Knockerbockers, in 1883...Either way, I bet he has some good baseball stories from the golden age of Mantle and Marris. He may be a good time, I just dont want to bring my heart attack paddles along, as they may not let me in with them.

Barry: I bet in his younger days, he could put down 5 brats and a twelve pack before the gates opened, so he might be fun. He did serve in the IL legislature though, and I cant think of the lesser of the two evils, the Sox and Cubs. He could however tell me that he hoped that Sammy would hit a ball to him one day, and how Sosa and MacGuire changed baseball forever.

Either way, it is Primary day here in 'Sconi, so remember to go out and exercise the franchise.

Because I Can

Havent done it in a while, so here is the good shit...

Jeff Bagwell Reduex?

I know, Bag's problem was in the shoulder...but if Pujols does indeed need this surgery, St. Louis really will have some issues. I would rather Scott Spiezio be the 1b for most of the season as well.

You Used to be Cool

Fuck you Britain. There, I said it. Ridiculous. It is sad that the govt. is looking at making it out to be something that you pay for. For Petes sake, the taxes on grits is not enough? Whats next? Sorry sir, you must fill out this form to come into here and drink some whiskey. The dead Sid Vicious for Queen. "I am an anarchist." No, I am not. But dont you think that, once again, there is enough waste already? We all know that the ban is coming...Let the British enjoy their last moments of this freedom you assholes.

Doubt It

So the good Lady Clinton made a stop at a "local diner". I really dont think that she even knows what Hockey is, what with the non-existent sport being non-existent. Yes, we will vote for you because you came into our business. And I ate next to you, so I will vote for you as well. Thank you for wasting your vote.
What really makes me angry, not mad because animals get mad, is the fact that people say things like I cant stand the POTUS. And in response, I say things like well, did you vote? Response being no. Than shut the fuck up. Last evening, Chopper said "Taxation without representation." Thats the point fuckers. You are given this amazing thing called a vote. If you dont use it, dont bitch. If you want to complain, tell me you voted for the horse faced senator from Mass. If not, shut your noise, and take it.

We come in here for breakfast after Sunday morning hockey," said Mack Borges of Fox Point, eating with his son and son's friend. He said Clinton told him she liked hockey.

Glad to Be Young

So YoGa is going to be on the DL for a bit this season. As long as Crapuano does not fill the void with 600 consecutive losses, it is all good. Hope Gallardo does not make a habit of this.

Reaping What You Are Sowing

So this evening, some dude tossed a cocktail across the bar at the bartender. Not sure why. Lots of fucks tossed around. Not sure of the reason, but this does not happen, normally, in my local. Welcome to the Winter doldrums bitches...So whose on first? Or have I done this before?

People can use this.

Time to get political on your asses bitches. Scroll down.

Like Eddy said..."gonna make ya sweat-ah."

Things to send the nice lady or dude, whatever you like. It is a Hallmark holiday after all...

Welcome to the world of broadcast news. Savor it.

Brought to you by the "Sunset Rub Down" and all is right with the world. Thank you Baseball and sports betting.
Afterthought: Fight for your right to hate.

What to Do?

With 12 more inches of the white death, not you Snow.man, coming tomorrow, here is some advice for the winterly inept.....

1) Rush to the store this afternoon to make sure you have the essentials. Milk, eggs, duct tape, rope, and rat poison.

2) Buy a red light bulb so you can stay in and sharpen your knives in style while locking yourself in the house. Make sure to repeat the mantra "Yessss....you will be fed soon my pretty."

3) Buy a bottle of Whiskey. This should go without saying, but stay with me. Drink it tonight, so that tomorrow you will be able to sleep and dream of Carribean girls feeding you more whiskey.

4) Purchase two babies on the black market or from Chopper(his are the most talented fighters) and force them to fight to the death. This should take all day, and wackiness will undoubtedly ensue.

4) Make sure to winterize your car. Mount a rocket launcher and machine guns to blaze a trail through the shittily plowed roads and helpless pedestrians.

5) Buy a mail-order bride magazine and think about what life would be like if you spoke Russian and real love existed.

6) Clean your house to the point of perfection. This is important because after drinking said whiskey, you will want your floor clean when you finally pass out on the floor.

7) Buy a handgun, prank call 911, and when the cops show up, yell "I will save us all!!!" and go down in a blaze of glory before the weather hits.

8) Buy a life-sized statue of Steve Guttenburg. You can throw said knife at it all day and work on your aim.

9) Buy a life-sized statue of Kee-ah-noo Reeves and do the same, once the Gutt has been turned into a pile of blood and flesh. Did I say life-sized statue? I meant the real thing.

10) Buy a case of Rolling Rock beer. After you drink it, try to break the bottles over your own head. Everyone knows that the green bottles are the easiest to do so with.

I hope that this helps all three of you weather the impending doom about to befall all of us.

I Have No Choice...Dont Think Less of Me

Go ahead, call me an asshole. But the resemblance is striking. I can see nothing but the infernal pit of Hades in both pairs of eyes.

Insult?

For being one of the cornerstones of the future Milwaukee Brewers, it sure does seem like JJ gets the raw deal. They signed Dave Bush to a deal before arbitration for goodness sake. Sure, the guy has only played 2 of 3 seasons in the bigs. Not to mention the fact that they signed Gagne to a 10 million dollar deal, and who knows what that will turn out to be. Its like this..."Hey kid, sure you had your rookie season, then one where you played 35 games, and you really did show us something last year...but we think that we wont spend the money on you." Seems like a slap in the face to me. Granted, because of his short time in the majors, the Arb. panel will probably go with the teams offer, but lock the kid up. In 3 years, extend him, and you have one of the better all around SS in the game, in my opinion. Dont dink around with one year deals with the future, because SS who can hit are tough to find in the NL. Plus, he gets hot chicks to the ball park.

UPDATE 2/15:
Looks like the Crew and Hardy have reached a 1 year deal. Lock the guy up for fucks sake.

Let Me Drop A Nugget on You

Its funny that I found this article on ESPN dot com after posting other articles from there this evening. I think that it is also funny that I found it via one of the idiots who actually stoop low enough to leave a comment on the local fishwrap. What is even funnier is that I was at the game in question. Infact, I told whom ever I was with that Tony Jr. was never fit to be a starter in the show. He cant slug worth a dime, but he is the fastest person I have most likely ever seen. I told this to the people I was with...maybe it was friends, maybe it was my Dad or Mom, cant really remember. But the triple in question was bad ass. My point is that this is one of the better offseason articles that I have read this year. These guys will explain why. On that note, I hope that the kid Gwynn will become a regular big league player, and up until the Cameron signing, he probably would have. But the fact is that he is now blocked by some crazy players who are slated to be starters for the Brew Town Bombers. I dont think that a 4rth or 5th outfielder spot is going to make it happen...But of course, Reno 911 is on.

Man...Cops are Awesome

The article seems to point out that if the LEO had said "Hey kid, you cant skateboard here" in a polite yet firm manner, they would have left without the need to rip the kid to the ground. I have had my run ins with the law...that time I was peeing on Mt Rushmore, that time I got pulled over with 750 bars of soap in my back seat, and that time that I had "accidentally" knocked over a gas station. But they always seemed to have the old vein sticking out of there forehead attitude. Like I said, man I love cops. Sure, they keep the street safe for Chopper to unleash his unholy army of the night, but sometimes, and not always, they take authority a bit too far. The worst part of this video is not the fact that this officer tosses the kid to the pavement, but the little, uncoplike, car that he is driving.

"I dont know...bonnin I guess."

A Valentines Day teacher Conference.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

So today, the NFL Commish met with a senator, Arlen Specter (r-Penn) to discuss the recent "spy-gate" scandal, as well as taping a walk through of their opponent prior to the Super...I mean Big Game, I dont want to get prosecuted, in 2002. First of all, why is "gate" added to high level controversies? You dont hear Chopper calling his divorce "divorce-gate." Or Muntaba calling his love affair with his first computer "computer-gate." But I digress...Is there really a point? Does Congress really have the time to waste sticking it's money grubbing finger into one of the most profitable, transparent industries that this great country has ever had? What with a war, stimulating the economy, skyrocketing gasoline prices, and the recent revelation that Brittany Spears is a horrible mother, to me, it is the same as questioning the Rocket, and the realization that Sammy Sosa couldnt speak English. Even the lame ass Mitchell Report was a waste of Govt. money as far as I'm concerned. The point is, who cares. Even if the Patriots cheated, on multiple occasions...allegedly, why does the legislative branch have to investigate? Does it not stand to reason that this money making entity called "American Football" can police itself? They have people who are responsible for making sure that this kind of stuff is taken care of, internally. Look at the Vickster. He may never play football again, and will have to pay back his money like Rickie Williams. Holy crap, there is another example. For goodness sake, they even handle steroid allegations internally.

I guess thats all I got on that. So here is a picture from a douchebag at work. I guess accountants are good for something after all.

Local Boy Makes Good

Whoa Nelly...Whats this world coming to when you cant choke your coach. It seems that local hero Latrell Sprewell is having a hard time not only feeding his family, but paying for all of the luxury that the great city of Milwaukee has to offer. Well, they make a lot of money, because they spend a lot of money...On boats, and houses, rather than your "family."

Sprewell, who once turned down a three-year $21 million contract extension saying, "I've got my family to feed," has apparently fallen on tough times.

Where is Mother Theresa When You Need Her?

Apparently, some doctors in Arkansas seem to think that they have some lepers on their hands.

The Arkansas Department of Health in Little Rock says some Northwest Arkansas doctors have wrong information that's leading them to fears of leprosy cases.

But its OK folks, it is not as contagious as you think.

He says leprosy is not as contagious as a lot of people think it is.

Since the Virgin Island Caucuses Are In

Its Sunday...And for a change, I am not horribly hungover...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Sometimes, you have to where your church cloths.

PSA.

Can the lobster, say, hold a small blade?

The proof is in the pudding.

Descriptions need not apply.

Something Nice to Fall Asleep To

Audio is bad...but still punk as fuck...And best tune by this band.

Facial hair grew miraculously. Damn you Shelly Gambino.

I Never Heard Anything...

So your Milwaukee Brewers picked up the option on the Nedster...It shows that the front office has confidence in Nederino, thats for sure. Make no mistake, I will be the first person to thank the man for having the first winning Brewers season since when the fuck ever. My problem lies with the blindness. They, the front office, seem to be blind to Neds tendencies. Any Brewer fan worth his salt can see that the man, though managerial decisions should count for +/- 5 wins per season, has some issues with bullpen management, lineup changes, and "going with the numbers."

More importantly, this guy,who is cool, thinks that Carlos V will start the year in the pen. One shinny American dollar coin says that as soon as the other option, the Italian Stallion Chrissy C, looses 3 games straight, Nednanimous will realize his mistake. Hey come on, he won 18 games a couple years ago right? But much like the Wiser, though he did not hit people in the face, the thrill is gone. Good change, lefty, and decent break, but way too dependent on placement. Greg Maddox he is not. My money says that Cappy will be either a) dealt before the season, or B) relegated to pen duty behind Bushy. Sad because Bush is awesone the first two times through the lineup, but shitty after, and Cappy is shitty all together.

Gosh I love the Internets

So if you didnt know, Chelsea Clinton campaigns for her mommy. Hey...no worries. If my Dad were running for office, you can make sure I will be there to talk the old bastard up. Whats funny is the email exchange between a news anchor and a member of the nice lady Clinton's minions. What do I think? Pimp away. Let the young lady not take questions and not give interviews. It only adds to the omnipotent aura that is the new "former first family."

PS...the comments to the email exchange are bad-ass.

He's Got Skills as well as being an Officer of the Law

The whole article is a money quote, and the fine people of AZ dont even know if he is going to play...much. And for that matter, enforce much.

I'm glad he's coming out to my turf. I'm hoping we'll recruit him for our posse.

boom shakka-lakka

Thats Why They Make So Much Funny

So the good people at FJM have revealed themselves to be TV writers. The WSB has done the research for me and discovered who they write for. Keep the hits coming gentlemen.

Snopocalypse Now

Since the WM gods have seen fit to allow me to risk my life to get to work, and then let me do it again by allowing the inmates out of the asylum, here are a few notes on weather...

1) If you have lived in WI for a couple years, you know that it snows. That being said, why do people insist upon driving without their headlights on? If you cant see 200 ft. in front of your car, how can I see you with no headlights?

2) On that note, why do people in cars smaller than mine love to tailgate me so? With 5+ inches of snow on the road, why is tailgating a safe way to drive?

3) And lastly, if everyone says that they dont trust other drivers on the road when it snows, where do the bad drivers come from?

Winston MotherF@cking Churchill

It is a low down dirty shame that one of the most important world leaders of the 20th century is thought to be fiction by 1/4 of the British... Is it more sad that "58 percent thought Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's fictional detective Holmes actually existed"? I like Doyle as much as the next guy, in fact I have 2 books filled with Sherlock Holmes stories. Lets go Britain, get your head in the game.
Please note that I could have found numerous USA Americans who are as if not more dense, but I had to get to work.

Extra Super Bonus

I have to do it before Chopper tries to before me.

I am Not Tired...and There is Plenty of Beer in the Fridge

Only because you can...

I guess "hello Kitty" is OK.

Because stats dont lie.

Only two??? That is because the Internets do not think that I am civilized. More soon...

UPDATE: 2/3 9:30 am.

...And someone was feeding booze to these monsters...

Throwing things in the office is a bad idea.

Bacontastic.

So the Conversation Is...

First, it started as a Batman v Superman argument, Batman won. But it quickly devolved into Best ever. Let me know what you think...

Who is the best superhero?
	Superman
	Spiderman
	Batman
	Luke Skywalker
pollcode.com free polls

From the Master of Fine Cuisine

Jimbo wants to know if you, loyal 3 readers, can figure out who the second voice is...

UPDATE:(2/3) 2:45am Fuck the witty and lame ass comments...Who is it??? The winer gains a pristine paper-filled dollar...Dont blame the booze on me...

Just What You Need Early on a Saturday

Inmates doing all of "Thriller."